Sometimes, you hear someone insult someone else, and you're like, "Damn, there is no way to recover from that." And if you're the one being insulted? Forget about it.
U/cristicrystal recently asked the people of Reddit, "What is the most brutal insult you have ever received or given?" Let's all have a good laugh and, uh, try to be a little nicer to each other, too:
1. "I got into a road rage argument with a guy, and he called me 'A Mumford and Son lookin' bastard!' I must point out that I was neither wearing a waistcoat or playing a banjo at the time. I did have a beard, though."
—u/Amity75
2. "My mom never treated my kids very well. Not bad, but she wasn't really very loving toward them. Mom and I were talking about my oldest, who was 18 at the time, and had been dating the same guy for a few years. Mom says, 'So what's going on with [so] and [so]? Are they going to get married?' I say, 'I don't know. I mean, it's possible.' Mom says, 'I just don't know that I'm ready to be a great-grandmother.' 'Well, you could always try being a good one, first,' I said."
—u/gogozrx
3. "I was talking to my mother-in-law when my wife's sister came in and exclaimed that my wife had just barked at her. Without thinking, I said, 'Maybe she was just talking to you in a language you'd understand.' Luckily, my mother-in-law burst out laughing."
—u/kij101
4. "A younger guy said, 'Watch out, old man.' That hurt. I'm not old, I'm barely 40."
—u/Despguy1337
5. "A very intelligent and well-read friend of mine once told me I was her favorite 'non-intellectual friend.' I understand what she meant by it (I prefer sci-fi over nonfiction, love comic book movies), but that was 12 years ago, and it still bothers me to this day."
6. "Someone told me I look like I drop common loot when killed."
7. "I'm not a goat or your sister, so get your hands off me."
—u/Undermined
8. "'If an atheist saw your face, they’d start praying on the spot.' Safe to say I have never recovered."
—u/Sonkisfast09
9. "While discussing divorce, my ex-wife suggested we have a child to fix things. I told her having a child with her would be the equivalent of littering."
—u/Acewrap
10. "I have stage 4 cancer. My aunt is super ignorant and hateful. She went on a racist tirade, and I told her, 'Goddamn, you make me wish my cancer would hurry the fuck up.'"
11. "Since childhood, I have been a massive fan of Eddie Van Halen — beyond normal. I'd told my girlfriend at the time that I could die a happy human if I had one of his used guitar picks. It became a joke for us over time. Fast-forward a couple of years, after a bad breakup, we're at the same Van Halen show — and somehow, she's in the second row while I was in the upper level. I run into her just outside the venue with all of my friends, and she with all of hers. She looks at me and smiles as she takes one of Eddie's picks out of her pocket to hand it to me, and with a disgusted look, she says, 'Here...now you can die.' She goes to hand me the pick, stops midway, and says, 'Wait...I'd rather you live knowing I have it. And I don't give a shit about it.' I stood like a moron for minutes. Thirty years later, and my friends still laugh at me over it."
12. "My 15-year-old niece lives with me and my wife because her dad doesn’t have a job or a house. She got her first job, and he starts telling her she’s too young to have a job. He says, 'You’re too young to have a job,' and she replied with, 'You’re too old to not have one.'"
13. "Some kid was picking on me throughout high school, and one day, he talked shit about me being adopted. I don't know what came over me, but my response was, 'A couple of very nice people paid money to raise me, and your parents are probably regretting having you for free.'"
14. "I called someone a pizza cutter — all edge but no point!"
—u/No_MoreNails
15. "Musician here. After fucking up a solo, the other guy said, 'That was an interesting choice.'"
