Warning: This post contains brief mention of rape, abuse, and gun violence.
Dating is already tough. On top of things like religion, kids, values, and finances, some people must also align on politics. THAT is quite the task nowadays, so we asked people in the BuzzFeed Community to tell us what it's like dating conservative men. The responses showed a wide variety of experiences. Here are a few:
1. "I dated a guy who was a Trump supporter and pro-life. We got into a discussion about why I’m pro-choice, and I brought up that rape victims shouldn’t be forced to give birth."
"He then told me that he was the product of rape and wouldn’t be alive if his mom had decided to abort. Flash forward two months to our breakup, during which I brought up our differences of opinion. He told me he LIED about being a product of rape just to win the argument. I walked out of his house and never looked back."
—Anonymous
2. "A conservative guy I dated over 10 years ago asked his friend, 'I’m dating a liberal woman, what should I do?' The conservative friend said, 'Fuck her,' and they both found that hilarious."
3. "Not only dated but married one. To clarify, he does not own anything with Trump’s name on it. He has a bachelor’s degree in political science, minored in philosophy, spent five years as an enlisted Marine, and is a police officer."
"There are absolutely things we will forever disagree on, like Obamacare and abortion. We agree on some things, and he’s willing to listen and hear my opinions when we don’t because his education and life experience taught him to think critically.
But there are also benefits to a *rational* conservative man. He wants to be a provider for my future family and me. I’m a strong-willed, stubborn, opinionated, deeply passionate woman most men couldn’t handle; I know, I checked. It took a big, strong Marine to handle and satisfy me. Liberal guys never really did that on dates. I got bored with them very quickly. We make it work by not letting politics be the center of our marriage because there’s so much more to life than politics and division, so we centered our marriage on faith because it’s something we want to be united in."
—Anonymous
4. "He left me to return to his ex because he said I couldn’t be trained."
5. "It’s the biggest mistake I’ve made in my life. He was an emotionally abusive gaslighter with no sense of boundaries or respect for women. He stalked me for four months after I broke up with him. He is now a vocal white supremacist. Don’t date a conservative guy. Just don’t do it."
—Anonymous
6. "It has its ups and downs. On the one hand, I can appreciate the challenge to my views and the discussions we can have from learning differently. It can also be a revelation and a positive moment for us when we find common ground."
7. "I dated a man in college who voted for and was a big fan of former president George Bush. He didn’t believe in evolution and said Jesus would save the environment."
8. "In my early 20s, I dated a conservative man. We dated less than a year and did not talk about politics much. Although the racist and sexist comments bothered me, I didn’t have the lexicon at the time to express why it bothered me so much."
"At the time, I didn’t gather our political differences. He was always griping on family values and proposed to me after 10 months. Not even a year in, he was cheating with multiple women. When I caught him, he put a gun to my head and sexually assaulted me."
—Anonymous
9. "My current boyfriend is a conservative, and sometimes it can be challenging, especially since Trump won the election and took office. We often have debates, and I present facts about how some of Trump’s actions or decisions might be problematic. He’s been open to listening and has even admitted that he regrets voting for Trump."
10. "I dated a guy who called himself 'conservative but not quite,' meaning there were some conservative views he didn't share. On our third date, he said, 'I'm so glad your skin is white' (I'm Latina). I asked why, and he said, 'Well, brown people look dirty,' so that was the end."
11. "I have been with mine for two years, and it's great. Just because someone votes red doesn't automatically make them out to be abusive, etc."
"The most abusive relationship I've ever been in was with a staunch Democrat, but I don't label ALL Democrat men as narcissistic and abusive. People shouldn't be judging folks based on who they voted for. That's the problem in the country. From what I am reading, you all just dated horrible humans."
12. "On the second date, he told me that he makes enough money that I'll be able to 'stay at home with the kids.' The. Second. Date. Never mind asking if I even want kids or want to stay home."
13. "My now-ex was terrible. I had just turned 18, which meant I got to vote for the first time. He and his mother asked who I voted for, and I said I would like to keep that to myself because that's how I grew up. He and his mother told me that I was a conservative-loving liberal, and he repetitively told me I was the problem in the world."
"I should've known he was a red flag when he told me he listened to Andrew Tate, but he 'wasn't like Andrew Tate.' He said that he just valued his work ethic and his mindset. Yeah, no."
14. "Very polite and respectful. I never touched a door handle, nice restaurants, he paid for everything, great and interesting conversation, well-traveled, funny, masculine, career-oriented, open-minded, and made sure I got home safe."
15. "Growing up, our families were friends, and he was slightly older than me. He asked me out after returning from the Marines when I was in college. I really liked him, but after a few dates, I realized he had very conservative views about women."
"Specifically, they shouldn't take leadership roles over men, should have as many babies as God would allow, and should take care of the home, etc. I knew it would never work out between us because I just wasn't gonna be that kind of woman. We stopped seeing each other but have remained friends. Now, he has a wife and a few kids. Happy for him and glad I didn't stick around!"
—Anonymous
16. And finally, "My boyfriend of five years is conservative. We disagree on most political issues, but we are also each other's person."
What do you think? Did any of these stories surprise you? Let us know in the comments.
If you have a story about dating a conservative man, we want to hear about it. Share your story below, or fill out this Google form to remain anonymous. Your response could be featured in an upcoming post.
Responses have been edited for length/clarity.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.