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Dating across political lines can be complicated, but we've all heard the stories about one particular pattern: Conservative men who actively seek out liberal women, only to spend the relationship trying to change their partner's views and values. So when u/Historical-Body-3424 asked why this dynamic is so common, the responses revealed some uncomfortable truths about power, conquest, and what some men really want from relationships. From strategic convenience to psychological manipulation, here's what women think is really going on:
1. "I saw a TikTok of a conservative man who said he liked dating liberal women because he could be himself and not have to perform hypermasculinity constantly. Apparently, the conservative women he had dated demanded he have a certain persona at all times."
2. "I think a lot of conservative men date liberal women because there are so many liberal women. I live in the Los Angeles area, and I've heard men say if they weren't open to liberal women (and leaving their political affiliations blank or listed as 'moderate' on dating apps), they'd be single without any dates. As far as why they then try to change the women they date? Because they're assholes."
"Yep. I'm in the Washington, DC area, and my few conservative friends (all male) complain they can't find anyone to date because 'women are always super liberal or super Christian.' So you're seeking politically conservative and close-minded women, and then you're disappointed when they're deep into other types of conservative close-mindedness too? This is why you're 40 and masturbating yourself to sleep every night, but you do you."
3. "They don't actually want a conservative woman because they don't want to genuinely perform as a traditional man. They want a woman who wouldn't expect the same level of work it would take to truly succeed in a traditional male role. With that being said, if they can 'change' her instead of finding someone who has already formed these views, then they can feed her the parts they want to do and leave out the parts they won't or can't do — like being the sole breadwinner and such."
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4. "They don't want women who already want a traditional lifestyle. It's like how men are worried about gold diggers — they're suspicious of women who aspire to be provided for by a man. They would rather trap a woman into the lifestyle because they feel like she did it for them, so, as a bonus, it boosts their ego."
5. "Because they don't actually want a conservative relationship. They want sex before marriage and dual-income households, which conservative women are less likely to prefer over liberal women. They basically want all the benefits but none of the downsides."
6. "They don't think politics are a dealbreaker. I also don't think there are that many conservative men. They might call themselves conservative, but their values aren't conservative, and they don't want to be providers. For example, any woman who wants a traditional relationship based on Christian values is going to tell them to kick rocks."
7. "From my observation, women think more about compatibility and shared values than men do."
"You know those 'men and women can't be friends' threads where men justify it by saying, 'All we look for in a partner is a friend we're attracted to.' I always think, That's it? What about compatibility, common values, and matching future plans? Because I'm sure I don't share all of these with all my friends to the level I want to in a relationship.
This is why men swipe right on literally everyone, even on women whose profiles make it obvious they are not compatible. They always try to flex how men have 'simpler needs' and low standards, and so they're better than women. But is it really a compliment to your partner if you had such low requirements for her that she'd be replaced by almost anyone?"
8. "It's a challenge to them. A lot of men enjoy conquest, and if there's resistance or obstacles, it's even more exciting for these types to potentially 'win.' I'm not saying everyone who likes a challenge is a creep, but it's overrepresented among these conservative men. They get a jolt of pleasure from bending women to their will — more so than from someone who is subservient to them right off the bat. I've also heard that a lot of men think liberal women are just more physically attractive."
9. "A lot of conservative men also don't consider our political leanings to be 'serious.' We're just silly girls, y'know? Our politics and beliefs aren't real. They're a frivolous, stupid little trend we've jumped on. But for the right man (which, of course, these conservative dudes are), we'll drop everything to pump out their unvaccinated babies and die of listeria from drinking raw milk."
10. "For some of them, I think it's a long-term project to try and break them into submission. It's a challenge and a win, like an 'owning the libs' relationship style. For others, they think they'll have easier access to sex than they would with a conservative woman. In a similar vein, some don't actually like conservative women because they have specific expectations about gender roles. These men don't want to do the whole 'man of the house' or 'breadwinner' thing, so they're seeking out a more progressive woman who won't expect those roles."
11. "They want the wild, fun, kinky, party girl stereotype liberal woman — but to tame and make their own. Someone who'd be down for threesomes, but only with other women. Someone who's into doing all the wild and kinky things in the porn they watch, but will be subservient to them and respect their sexual boundaries while having none of their own. In other words, they think liberal women are potential personal sex slaves who would choose to be such for them, as long as they're tamed."
12. "I have a theory that it's about indoctrinating them in their own special way, based on their definition of a conservative woman rather than the varying views within that community. For example, some conservative women are extremely religious to the point of rejecting certain music or activities they see as offensive to their god. Others are extremely prudish and nun-like because they interpret conservatism as being about the sins of the flesh and modesty. So these men want to be the ones to shape these women according to their unique blend of conservative ideals — ideals of womanhood that serve their fantasies the most. They'd rather do this than try to make it work with a conservative woman who already holds incredibly strong, irrationally devoted beliefs and values that may differ from their own."
13. "From Trevor Noah's Born a Crime: The way my mother always explained it, the traditional man wants a woman to be subservient, but he never falls in love with subservient women. He's attracted to independent women. 'He's like an exotic bird collector,' she said. 'He only wants a woman who is free because his dream is to put her in a cage.'"
14. "It's the same reason why horses are broken, why exotic pet owners keep wild animals, why suburban lawns are monoculture grasses, why land is colonized, why neighborhoods are gentrified, and why space is the final frontier. The act of taming something wild, cutting off all its unrefined natural parts, and grooming it into something refined is an act of power. The completion of such an act is demonstrable evidence that power is real. In short, it's the theft of agency that fuels the drive of conquest."
15. "I think it's similar to the guys who don't bother reading a woman's profile on an app. They like how she looks, and the inside doesn't matter to them."
16. "They want all of the social benefits of hegemonic masculinity, but none of the restrictions. Pathetic."
17. "They don't view women — any women — as actual human beings with actual feelings and thoughts that matter. They take care of us, and we give them household chores, emotional labor, and sex in return. Sweet! They do not view us as equals. A disturbing number of conservative men will keep it from their partners for a long time and actively date women they hate. But they will still marry and have children with women they literally despise because they're expected to get married and have kids. They want the sex on tap and the domestic labor, even if it's coming from someone they hate. That's how valuable women are."
Have you dealt with this kind of situation yourself? Maybe you've been the liberal woman in this scenario, or watched friends navigate these frustrating dynamics. What's your take? Is it possible to date across political lines, or are some values just too fundamental to compromise on? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.
Note: Responses have been edited for length/clarity.
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